Shared experiences, old and new


It’s been a while but I’m so happy to be back 🙂 Typically, when I find time to write here, I have made enough space in my soul to feel comfortable extracting things from it. so YAY! here is to soul extraction time! ahah. It is still very strange to me that writing in english is easier, but I feel less judged. It allows me to make mistakes.

Well ok so, at the beginning of this year, I set some intentions, the main one was seeing more friends, and meeting new people.

I am a BIG extravert, I adore people, their story, their vision of life, because I always learn something new, and it helps me calibrate my own stuff. And very often, putting things in perspective. Even though I have to say, we tend to evolve within a very close circle, and I think that might be the next step for me, opening more this circle…

anyway, over the last few week-ends, we have been lucky enough to escape with loved ones, and exploring our surroundings, with and without our kids, but every time with friends and new people. I quickly realised that very few of them opened up about covid traumas, and changes they went through. but everyone was keen on sharing their current experiences, struggles, questions. I wondered if growing up (or getting older ayayay) does not allow us to be more willing to listen to each other, and noticing quickly who we are going to bond with. who do we feel connected with. usually the deeper conversation I have with introverts. I like to make them talk like I would extract gems.

I used to feel the need to connect with the largest amount of people, in the same way. Now I am a little more relaxed. I am aware of the type of people I might better click with, and go deeper with, and I accept this. It is actually harder for me, being such an extravert to take the time to really make space for emptiness and observation, as I always want to create a movement, but the older I get, the more I appreciate being an outsider, that people are able to talk to more easily. I don’t need to always go and get what I want. sometimes it comes naturally and it’s nice!

I love those times of reconnection with others. Honestly, I was a little scared, because I gained a little weight, I lost my dream job, and with it a chunk of confidence, I definitely got shaken up, unexpectedly. But yet health is still good and I really can’t complain about life thanks to that. But I realise now that I am not alone in this quest for happiness, being uncomfortable with our own vulnerability and story, we are all constantly looking for our best fit in this world, and I find this reassuring. I love being remembered that for me, equilibrium does not come from food, from sport, from culture. It starts with people, who lead me to what makes me feel good. But in order to hear them, I need to create space.

The anti-netflix list

Play or listen to some guitar

Sing ridiculously

Text your bestfriend your face right here right now

Send a nice article / picture of an article/ quote from a book to your sister/ your mum/ an amazing woman in your life

Play dice and drink rum

Organise a small mexican dinner with funny friends who might come with a sombrero (i hope)

Learn how to paint or draw something new

Fill up your calendar with all the things you are still allowed to do, places you are still allowed to visit

Start a new book, maybe a scary one

Do a “yoga with adriene” class

Fix that lamp

Bake a cake

Sit down and breathe and smile to yourself

Kiss someone if you can. If you can’t kiss yourself in the mirror. Hug yourself.

Draw your auto-portrait looking at yourself in the mirror

Give yourself a foot massage

Read a kids book. Or a book from when you were a kid.

Try to do a new tongue twister

Did you try anything fun lately at night that didn’t involve social media or Netflix??

Redescovering the mountain

After trying hard to find snowshoes for our kids before going up to the mountain (completely out of stock everywhere in France!!), we decided to try cross country skiing! I was pretty sure we would last no longer than 4 minutes, and we nearly did (it’s always tricky at 5 yo to try to learn something new when you feel even just the slightest amount of pressure towards your older brother, your dad, or mum even?)

but oh joy, eventually we were off, in the beautiful forests, massive pine trees covered in fresh snow, beautiful morning light… how soothing this felt.

I’m so glad we tried something new, and despite the planning and packing going up there required, it always feels restorative to be in our little wood cabin, playing cards, eating fatty food, drinking tea. we’re lucky not only to have access to this little retreat, and to take advantage of it!

new paths

i really craved something new last week-end. new hike, new views, new adventures.

when we lived in Oregon, life constantly felt like an adventure. choosing food at the supermarket was an adventure, going to the pacific ocean to surf while crossing giant sequoia was an adventure, looking at teenagers playing “lacrosse” game was an adventure. now bizzarely everything feels way more settle, more definite, more proper. we are doing things right, because it took us so long to figure it out. and its really lovely! at times yet i do want to find those shots of fresh adventures that makes life feel bigger and thrilling.

so I asked my dad to take us to places he knows. i don’t remember those places from when I was a kid actually, because i have very little memories back then, but was spent such a fun day exploring new places, not looking at the clock, and taking in all the sunshine and views we could.

and just like that…

(i was inspired to write this note listening to boys don’t cry. I am finishing it up listening to my favorite classical piece EVER by Granados 🙂

a new year is starting. I just realised by looking at a pix in the picture of the two of us, hubby and I, many many years ago how time is really flying by. also noticed tonight how funny and grown up my youngest is. funny how sometimes you can notice more those little things because maybe you look at them differently, or pay more attention. in that case because my oldest was having tummy ache, i was exhausted from my day, so the two usual loud ones were off.

i don’t know for you but i go through total weirdness zone (asking myself what the f..k is happening right now, is this gonna last forever or what, or is this even real? am I even alive?) and total normal laugh, sport, work moments, like absolutely ignoring all of the pain and craziness. it makes me feel even weirder than I can be sometimes.

we had the best vacation. 2 weeks of fun, some cry, swimming in frozen méditerranéen sea, snowball fights in the mountains, eating a disgusting amount of food, getting along with pretty much the whole family. everyone was on a high. because of course on the !st of January we would be free of this stupid virus.

well nope. at times it feels even crazier now. the first week back was BRUTAL. waking up early again, when you thought you were good for hibernation mode is just painful. and everyone is full of resolution and energy, which is awesome for the planet, but a lot of pressure to sustain.

I LOVE resolution because they help me focus, and I need all the help to focus. Then I can track progresses, i feel useful and happy and can sleep well at night. what are your resolution this year?

Mine are pretty surprising this time. I am finaly doing a dry january. by the end of 2020 alcohol had no effect on my body which worried me. I exagerate only slightly. so basta cosi. i hate when i feel like i have no choice. people generally don’t like it when you quit drinking, as suddenly I would become lame. well no sorry, i can still crack on jokes, have a good time. i do want to go to bed early though, it’s weird!

Secondly, I want to meet new people. might be challenging these days… but I want to find a way to connect more with people I love, and through them meet fun people. I only want to hang out with people who give me positive energy! solution oriented people, who loves life as much as I do. meaning that can be an opened, authenticity. being positive does not necessarily means happy all the time. it means at the end of the day you do WANT to be happy.

The third one is gonna be way harder because i took bad habits for the last 5 years, nearly 6 now. I ABSOLUTELY need to spend more time with my kids separately. i just realized that I live in this complete non sense of thinking that good quality family time is TOGETHER, and it is not. together does not necessarily mean all together. i am still learning about them, how they communicate, what they like, what questions they might answer. if I dont spend time with them separately i won’t be able to make it work.

throughout the years, i took on many resolutions that seriously helped me out. invest time in myself, in my couple, in nutrition for health, laughing way more (in 2020 ah! who would have known ), in being in the moment and quit social media back in 2017 for a year (!!!), now i really feel the need to invest in my kids. i feel like they are still young enough to be enthusiastic about most things, grateful for time with me, and therefore it is my role to make time for this. as usual though, i try not to focus on feeling sad about not doing more before, because one always does its best, but being happy that i know how to make time for those things to come to my mind. whenever they do. as long as I still have some empty space in my brain for taking a step back and realising what is happening, I feel alive. I feel like I can contribute, and be helpful to this world.

I will let you know how it goes. i send you all my best dreams, songs, and sunsets for this new year.

tips from a coach & artist on emotions

my company NAOS sometimes organises chat with expert around well being themes: diet, emotions… things that would help you to better organise your body and soul. yesterday was about emotions! 180 people connected in order to listen to Karine Conxicoeur, a coach and artist expert in the emotional field. can you imagine…. she’s like yoda!

like everyone here i come from a weird family where people have shown me various different ways to communicate, some felt inspiring, some felt frightening, and i always try to detach myself as much as possible from what i have witnessed in order to create my own communication. I believe you can learn to draw, and then you can draw whatever you want.

so when the coach started by introducing emotions as INFORMATIONS that you should really observe and notice, I thought that was a good start. how reassuring to think that you don’t have to push back your emotions, they are telling you something. however the sooner you start noticing them, the better you are able to explain them to yourself and warn if needed people around you.

it was really fun to hear that for example anger is not necessarly a BAD emotion. some people are not able to feel anger and show anger, and it can be as painful as being fearful all the time. i always feel like my goal should be to remain calm at all time. but actually not showing any emotion ever would require me to become like the queen of england, and when i think about it it would be my worst nightmare. so no bad emotion, actually do you feel entitled to feel that emotion, have you been allowed in your past to show certain emotions? we have all been prevented at some point to feel sad, to feel angry, or fearful, maybe even too excited for things… how strange.

i could keep on writing about this for a while because it is so fascinating how some people could unleash themselves by reading or listening about this topic. but for today i will leave you with this. i’m going to do this exercise for a week and maybe you will want to do the same. write down a real or mental note when you feel an emotion physically and what value you think this emotion is attached to: anger because i’m not feeling respected, fear because i’m unsure and i don’t know, joy because i am satisfied with a situation….

this week let’s not try to necessarly diet our emotion, but take notes of what makes us feel what we feel. i think it could be interesting for once to just be.

right now i’m listening to willy tea taylor, who has been recommended by a dear friend of mine. a folk singer from ‘merica. drinking tea from my unicorn cup. feeling a ray of morning sunshine on my face. writing to you about something new i learnt i think could be useful. i feel totally in peace, at ease with what is happening and i have a smile on my face. voila. 20 min of pure satisfaction.

small lovely things and one (small too?) bad news

I have noticed recently that there is less fun in the house since the kids are grown up, they have music, sports, training, reading, and their own games too. they are the way they are supposed to be, independant. yet, now this new phase is starting I am becoming more and more aware of the absolute need of staying close. and having fun doing so.

here is a list of all the good things and a surprise at the end.

playing soccer on the village field, while some teenager brought their music, and the sun is going down.

going to a new organic food store that I have been meaning to check for 2 years now, and telling them they are my new favorite store because they have chicken running around, toys and books for kids

going to the market with my best friend and her sister, enjoying wine, the sunshine, eating paella, and buying books like if everything was normal. even though it is not. stopping time to smile with good people you love is always a very good idea.

enjoying going for a walk and pic nic with my husband because yes we are still allowed to take lunchbreak while working from home, but somehow we sometimes forget we are free to do what we want with our time

having my kids being invited by others. I find this very reassuring. they always come home with great insights and it’s fun for me to hear about what they have noticed in other homes. perspective.

wearing my unicorn pj like right now, because my kids wanted me to read charlie and the chocolate factory as a unicorn. my job is done here. im so proud!!! 😀

even though I am so worried about renovating our new home, i find it thrilling to learn throughout the process, and to learn about trusting enough new people to let them build your life…so many decisions to take though!!

being able to have a dance party of two. that was a huge relief to realize that actually you can party hard no matter how many people you are. it’s all about playlist, dance moves and costume! note to self: get that disco ball for the entrance of the new home. to set the tone.

the bad news? my oldest does not believe in santa anymore!!!! and I think I still do. so I am bummed now. it made him laugh that I was sad, and he said he was finaly relieved to know that its not that easy to break into someones home 🙂

have a nice evening everyone. take care of yourself others too. but a little more yourself, always 🙂

petit poème dédié à la mer

si douce et si fragile, si violente à la fois

un air un peu futile

et pourtant si mystérieux, c’est pourquoi

je me dis que ces quelques lignes, sont importantes pour moi

car ma mer, cette mère, je m’y retrouve à chaque fois

il m’est difficile d’être loin de toi, trop longtemps, trop souvent,

et pourtant, même si je me sens comme une enfant,

je sais que tu es là toujours à l’écoute, prête à la joie

saches que je t’admires, tu es bien mystérieuse, et tu restes toujours toi

merci mère, de m’aider à mûrir, et à toujours réfléchir

grâce à toi, j’ai confiance en ce monde qui nous entoure, et à l’avenir

Favorite things to do this week-end

ok first of all thank you @cupofjo for constantly inspiring me with surprising things.

this is my first favorite thing to do this week-end: check this link out

learn one of my mum’s recipe, endives au jambon which is random but delish

facetime with my sister

go to a new supermarket

discover a new awesome podcast, like this one which is so genius for kids. they liked it anyway and I learnt new things about vikings

listening to my kids laugh; the easy way is tickle and voices at storytime, but my husband is better for making jokes and accents.

going by some sort of water: bathtub, sea, river, lake, rain

a fireplace, firepit of candle. moving warmth

calling a good friend and listening more than talking (tough challenge for me)

naps and naps and naps and naps

convincing my mum about something (tough challenge for her)

playing chess since im obsessed with this new series on netflix. even though my son will beat me. how are you even supposed to remember how each piece moves??

making a decision on tiles for our new home.

going for a run, maybe guided one on NRC if im on my own. it helps me! i always thought i was more visual but actually voice is soooo powerful too!

i think that’s it. week end are nice because i always feel like Im going on a two months vacation. if i manage to do 2 of those things that will be already great. enjoy the time and the space you get!



credits / my dear friend Elizabeth Parker from Portland, Or, an inspiration on happiness xxx

tested & approved easy tips for confined mums

this. taking the time during a normal boring day to think, pause, share, and step back. when you are in an office you naturally take steps back throughout the day because you talk to people about the weather, but when you are home, you need to make a conscious effort to do it. so take 5-10 min to read, write, sleep, recharge

sport!!!!!! move!!! sex!!! omg. if you dont shake your bootie at some point in the day, your head will start shaking. you need to do something that will make you remember you are alive. even if it is just yawning out loud. putting high heels and catwalk in your bedroom (i have actually never done that) OR reaching out to this very high cup for coffee in your cupboard. MOVE REGULARLY

talk to someone. on the phone, at the supermarket, on facetime. to yourself in the mirror! who cares. i think any talking time is good

cry. think about something really sad, cry super hard, for long, and then give yourself a tap in the back, and say “its gonne be ok now. lets go home” (yes, obviously I do talk to myself sometimes). I just feel like going low sometimes (not regularly, not like sex) is important to then bounce back and put things into perspective. again though, im not an expert. this article is more to make you laugh that to actually change the world.

i think stay clean. for me dressing the same way every day is sooooo nice, i love it, but being clean is important. nails polished, hair tied, shaved, not too many greys. looking fresh and moisturize too.

rethink priorities. actually right now my priority is staying sane and happy in order to function for others. this might mean working hard, earlier, later, OR not working and doing something good for me. it does not matter anymore if I have lunch at 3pm because there is sunshine then. it does matter though that I have food regularly so I dont eat shit and dont get too fat. your priorities are changing and its normal. trying to keep everything normal is not possible.

smile to other, wave, say hi, be nicer. its hard for me not to complain or be bitchy sometimes, but my payback and way to compensate is to be extra nice to random people. i need to remember to be nice and polite with the people i love the most too…

I think thats all. i also like to do something new every day; like picking up flowers, going for a run in a different loop, subcribing to a new newsletter/ app/ podcast. trying to shake things up even just a tiny bit. to wake myself up.

good luck friends. it kind of sucks right now, but my thoughts goes to the one in pain, i’m sending you my warmest thoughts, my good vibes, and eventually, we will get over this covid shit. then we will have a few more things to fix but one