i really craved something new last week-end. new hike, new views, new adventures.
when we lived in Oregon, life constantly felt like an adventure. choosing food at the supermarket was an adventure, going to the pacific ocean to surf while crossing giant sequoia was an adventure, looking at teenagers playing “lacrosse” game was an adventure. now bizzarely everything feels way more settle, more definite, more proper. we are doing things right, because it took us so long to figure it out. and its really lovely! at times yet i do want to find those shots of fresh adventures that makes life feel bigger and thrilling.
so I asked my dad to take us to places he knows. i don’t remember those places from when I was a kid actually, because i have very little memories back then, but was spent such a fun day exploring new places, not looking at the clock, and taking in all the sunshine and views we could.
a new year is starting. I just realised by looking at a pix in the picture of the two of us, hubby and I, many many years ago how time is really flying by. also noticed tonight how funny and grown up my youngest is. funny how sometimes you can notice more those little things because maybe you look at them differently, or pay more attention. in that case because my oldest was having tummy ache, i was exhausted from my day, so the two usual loud ones were off.
i don’t know for you but i go through total weirdness zone (asking myself what the f..k is happening right now, is this gonna last forever or what, or is this even real? am I even alive?) and total normal laugh, sport, work moments, like absolutely ignoring all of the pain and craziness. it makes me feel even weirder than I can be sometimes.
we had the best vacation. 2 weeks of fun, some cry, swimming in frozen méditerranéen sea, snowball fights in the mountains, eating a disgusting amount of food, getting along with pretty much the whole family. everyone was on a high. because of course on the !st of January we would be free of this stupid virus.
well nope. at times it feels even crazier now. the first week back was BRUTAL. waking up early again, when you thought you were good for hibernation mode is just painful. and everyone is full of resolution and energy, which is awesome for the planet, but a lot of pressure to sustain.
I LOVE resolution because they help me focus, and I need all the help to focus. Then I can track progresses, i feel useful and happy and can sleep well at night. what are your resolution this year?
Mine are pretty surprising this time. I am finaly doing a dry january. by the end of 2020 alcohol had no effect on my body which worried me. I exagerate only slightly. so basta cosi. i hate when i feel like i have no choice. people generally don’t like it when you quit drinking, as suddenly I would become lame. well no sorry, i can still crack on jokes, have a good time. i do want to go to bed early though, it’s weird!
Secondly, I want to meet new people. might be challenging these days… but I want to find a way to connect more with people I love, and through them meet fun people. I only want to hang out with people who give me positive energy! solution oriented people, who loves life as much as I do. meaning that can be an opened, authenticity. being positive does not necessarily means happy all the time. it means at the end of the day you do WANT to be happy.
The third one is gonna be way harder because i took bad habits for the last 5 years, nearly 6 now. I ABSOLUTELY need to spend more time with my kids separately. i just realized that I live in this complete non sense of thinking that good quality family time is TOGETHER, and it is not. together does not necessarily mean all together. i am still learning about them, how they communicate, what they like, what questions they might answer. if I dont spend time with them separately i won’t be able to make it work.
throughout the years, i took on many resolutions that seriously helped me out. invest time in myself, in my couple, in nutrition for health, laughing way more (in 2020 ah! who would have known ), in being in the moment and quit social media back in 2017 for a year (!!!), now i really feel the need to invest in my kids. i feel like they are still young enough to be enthusiastic about most things, grateful for time with me, and therefore it is my role to make time for this. as usual though, i try not to focus on feeling sad about not doing more before, because one always does its best, but being happy that i know how to make time for those things to come to my mind. whenever they do. as long as I still have some empty space in my brain for taking a step back and realising what is happening, I feel alive. I feel like I can contribute, and be helpful to this world.
I will let you know how it goes. i send you all my best dreams, songs, and sunsets for this new year.
my company NAOS sometimes organises chat with expert around well being themes: diet, emotions… things that would help you to better organise your body and soul. yesterday was about emotions! 180 people connected in order to listen to Karine Conxicoeur, a coach and artist expert in the emotional field. can you imagine…. she’s like yoda!
like everyone here i come from a weird family where people have shown me various different ways to communicate, some felt inspiring, some felt frightening, and i always try to detach myself as much as possible from what i have witnessed in order to create my own communication. I believe you can learn to draw, and then you can draw whatever you want.
so when the coach started by introducing emotions as INFORMATIONS that you should really observe and notice, I thought that was a good start. how reassuring to think that you don’t have to push back your emotions, they are telling you something. however the sooner you start noticing them, the better you are able to explain them to yourself and warn if needed people around you.
it was really fun to hear that for example anger is not necessarly a BAD emotion. some people are not able to feel anger and show anger, and it can be as painful as being fearful all the time. i always feel like my goal should be to remain calm at all time. but actually not showing any emotion ever would require me to become like the queen of england, and when i think about it it would be my worst nightmare. so no bad emotion, actually do you feel entitled to feel that emotion, have you been allowed in your past to show certain emotions? we have all been prevented at some point to feel sad, to feel angry, or fearful, maybe even too excited for things… how strange.
i could keep on writing about this for a while because it is so fascinating how some people could unleash themselves by reading or listening about this topic. but for today i will leave you with this. i’m going to do this exercise for a week and maybe you will want to do the same. write down a real or mental note when you feel an emotion physically and what value you think this emotion is attached to: anger because i’m not feeling respected, fear because i’m unsure and i don’t know, joy because i am satisfied with a situation….
this week let’s not try to necessarly diet our emotion, but take notes of what makes us feel what we feel. i think it could be interesting for once to just be.
right now i’m listening to willy tea taylor, who has been recommended by a dear friend of mine. a folk singer from ‘merica. drinking tea from my unicorn cup. feeling a ray of morning sunshine on my face. writing to you about something new i learnt i think could be useful. i feel totally in peace, at ease with what is happening and i have a smile on my face. voila. 20 min of pure satisfaction.
I have noticed recently that there is less fun in the house since the kids are grown up, they have music, sports, training, reading, and their own games too. they are the way they are supposed to be, independant. yet, now this new phase is starting I am becoming more and more aware of the absolute need of staying close. and having fun doing so.
here is a list of all the good things and a surprise at the end.
playing soccer on the village field, while some teenager brought their music, and the sun is going down.
going to a new organic food store that I have been meaning to check for 2 years now, and telling them they are my new favorite store because they have chicken running around, toys and books for kids
going to the market with my best friend and her sister, enjoying wine, the sunshine, eating paella, and buying books like if everything was normal. even though it is not. stopping time to smile with good people you love is always a very good idea.
enjoying going for a walk and pic nic with my husband because yes we are still allowed to take lunchbreak while working from home, but somehow we sometimes forget we are free to do what we want with our time
having my kids being invited by others. I find this very reassuring. they always come home with great insights and it’s fun for me to hear about what they have noticed in other homes. perspective.
wearing my unicorn pj like right now, because my kids wanted me to read charlie and the chocolate factory as a unicorn. my job is done here. im so proud!!! 😀
even though I am so worried about renovating our new home, i find it thrilling to learn throughout the process, and to learn about trusting enough new people to let them build your life…so many decisions to take though!!
being able to have a dance party of two. that was a huge relief to realize that actually you can party hard no matter how many people you are. it’s all about playlist, dance moves and costume! note to self: get that disco ball for the entrance of the new home. to set the tone.
the bad news? my oldest does not believe in santa anymore!!!! and I think I still do. so I am bummed now. it made him laugh that I was sad, and he said he was finaly relieved to know that its not that easy to break into someones home 🙂
have a nice evening everyone. take care of yourself others too. but a little more yourself, always 🙂
this. taking the time during a normal boring day to think, pause, share, and step back. when you are in an office you naturally take steps back throughout the day because you talk to people about the weather, but when you are home, you need to make a conscious effort to do it. so take 5-10 min to read, write, sleep, recharge
sport!!!!!! move!!! sex!!! omg. if you dont shake your bootie at some point in the day, your head will start shaking. you need to do something that will make you remember you are alive. even if it is just yawning out loud. putting high heels and catwalk in your bedroom (i have actually never done that) OR reaching out to this very high cup for coffee in your cupboard. MOVE REGULARLY
talk to someone. on the phone, at the supermarket, on facetime. to yourself in the mirror! who cares. i think any talking time is good
cry. think about something really sad, cry super hard, for long, and then give yourself a tap in the back, and say “its gonne be ok now. lets go home” (yes, obviously I do talk to myself sometimes). I just feel like going low sometimes (not regularly, not like sex) is important to then bounce back and put things into perspective. again though, im not an expert. this article is more to make you laugh that to actually change the world.
i think stay clean. for me dressing the same way every day is sooooo nice, i love it, but being clean is important. nails polished, hair tied, shaved, not too many greys. looking fresh and moisturize too.
rethink priorities. actually right now my priority is staying sane and happy in order to function for others. this might mean working hard, earlier, later, OR not working and doing something good for me. it does not matter anymore if I have lunch at 3pm because there is sunshine then. it does matter though that I have food regularly so I dont eat shit and dont get too fat. your priorities are changing and its normal. trying to keep everything normal is not possible.
smile to other, wave, say hi, be nicer. its hard for me not to complain or be bitchy sometimes, but my payback and way to compensate is to be extra nice to random people. i need to remember to be nice and polite with the people i love the most too…
I think thats all. i also like to do something new every day; like picking up flowers, going for a run in a different loop, subcribing to a new newsletter/ app/ podcast. trying to shake things up even just a tiny bit. to wake myself up.
good luck friends. it kind of sucks right now, but my thoughts goes to the one in pain, i’m sending you my warmest thoughts, my good vibes, and eventually, we will get over this covid shit. then we will have a few more things to fix but one step.at.a.time
honestly i’m not sure i’m ready for this whole thing. it means i have to cook again, to exercise again, to keep my house clean again. i have no damn excuses for anything. i have gained so much weight recently, all because of my friends obviously who are either making me drink because they like to or because they don’t. either way i guess im so shy that i need to drink to be acting like an adult. although i am not shy.
anyway. i brought back my desk into my bedroom, adding a massive screen which means i officially cannot get dressed anymore. great. i have a lovely cactus, an industrial cool looking chair yet no motivation today. went for a run with my hubby, after 15 min i screamed at his face “keys. now. please’ he was not impressed.
we then celebrated another awkward birthday. yet it was a lot of fun to let the kids do the grocery for the occasion tonight: cheese, bread, 6 bags of candies. we did not do halloween so i am absolutely compensating for not being a pinterest mum.
looking at the bright side, i took a shower and even washed my hair. my other hair are not growing anymore, they are fed up too, yay. im warming up my feet to a fireplace (yes wow. happy old lady) i am drinking a delicious sugar free syrup and resisted to dip cookies in my tea. we ate delicious homemade burgers. i managed to make my kids giggle. hubby is smiling. it’s gonna be ok? it’s gonna be ok.
haven’t written in days, but somehow today i really felt the crave for it.
everything is so messy yet so calm at the same time. the world is turning upside down yet we are asked to keep our home the straightest they have ever been. this forced equilibrium is unsettling, and this is why i feel the need to write again and let it all out.
as usual, i am trying to find new small things to focus on in order to make myself and others, if I may be so lucky, smile. somehow this is all I really ever want to do, probably because i was raised in a pretty interesting family, filled with secrets and silences. i felt like my role was always to break silence with either a loud voice, a bad joke, and a contagious laugh.
i’m not saying it will be enough, but once again, now that i have my own family, i still cannot stand uncertainty, things that are untold and people feeling left out. I have strong reaction when someone is put aside within my crew because to me it might be something has to be hidden from them.
now though, with everything happening in the world, and shared in the news, if I want to tell my kids things in an appropriate way, i will need to find the right word in order to be honest yet considerate. they have so many questions about marriage, religion, politics, that i don’t even have answers to yet, but i need them to know that they can count on me to figure it out together, eventually.
there is one thing that i am obsessed about though, and constantly looking for solution, is how to memorise the good things, the sweet look on their face, the sound of their laugh, the tight hugs, and the look of love in their grandma’s face. the taste of chocolate mousse, the smell of those red flowers in the garden, and how bad i am at this oh-so-damn-simple Molky game. the walk in this park down the road, this satisfying feeling when you step inside your home after being away. how soft my youngest son’s ears feel, and how messy yet so irresistible my oldest son can be. I am not sure I can remember those, but that’s because there are so many. but that’s probably made on purpose, so i have plenty of space to create new ones, and keep smiling no matter how crazy and intense this life can be.
Normalement je décide au tout début de l’année de mes intentions, histoire d’avoir un peu des objectifs, et de me motiver pour essayer de progresser. En 2020 c’est arrivé un peu plus tard. Très franchement la fin de l’année m’a un peu foutu le cafard et je trouvais le bilan assez trouble. C’est beaucoup plus gai d’avoir un nouveau cahier et d’avoir cette impression de renouveau!
D’ailleurs petit details mais au passage, cette année, on a enfin decide d’investir pour être callés chez nous, avec un nouveau canap, un vidéoprojecteur (on a pas de tele mais du coup voir tous les films sur l’ordi ca saoule) et bientôt un nouveau lit. BIM.
Un petit détail de la vie (une BD hilarante offerte par ma belle soeur) m’a fait réalisé quelque chose de fort et assez transformateur: le fait que le rire était ce qui me fait vibrer, mais je ne l’avais pas réalisé au point d’en faire vraiment une priorité.
Du coup une fois que j’ai pris conscience de ça, tout a changé dans ma tête, il allait falloir s’organiser sérieusement mieux pour rire. On s’est mis à acheter beaucoup de BD ultra drôles, j’ai booké des spectacles comiques dans tous les sens, des concerts ridicules. J’appelle en priorité des gens drôle, j’invite des gens drôles, j’écoute rire et chansons.
J’ai juste réalisé que c’était vraiment un booster énorme, ne pas se prendre au sérieux en général, ne pas devenir vieux, triste et con, mais essayer d’aller dans le sens inverse en mode bébé qui éclate de rire pour rien, ou pour tout au contraire?!
Avant, je misais tout sur les films drôles, au final il n’y en a pas assez!!!! Il faut donc trouver d’autres sources de rire (type plutôt que suivre sur insta des influençeuses qui font culpabiliser, les remplacer par Maxime Gasteuil ou Maxime Cassidy), remplacer les podcast de news déprimantes par des emissions marrantes… vous avez compris le système quoi!
Et quand on commence à mettre ce filtre dans la vie, on voit tous les trucs drôles, et on se muscle les joues. les gens vous donne des bons plans drôle. On se mets a faire des blagues, pas drôle, et à rire seul ou mieux, de soit même. On prends la vie plus légèrement, parce qu’au final elle dure pas longtemps donc autant kiffer non?