not sure why I thought about that on my way to picking up my son the other day to a birthday party, but I guess that’s how my brain works. mostly random fun, sometimes useful things…
for those of you who have kids who get invited to birthday parties (congrats, you have 3 hours of life back). get the birthday kid a toy or book, if you want. but most importantly maybe get a bottle of wine (or vodka depending on the kids) for the parents who are hosting. they will need it afterwards. the parents seemed as chocked than happy when I handed them the bottle!!
We had the honour to host a very dear friend of mine who came from USA over the last few weeks. There is nothing better for the soul than to have an amazing friend like her, booking tickets to come see you as soon as she know you feel a little lonely. I am very lucky to be surrounded by people who can, and who would do those kind of things for me. I hope you are too surrounded by lots of love and kindness. It’s pretty much all that matters in life to feel fulfilled and complete.
What was special is to rediscover where we live through her eyes. It’s so easy to get spoiled here in Provence, with all the castles, villages, wineries, sea, mountains… it’s non stop wonder. non stop light and elevating. So much at times you don’t even realise it anymore. my days sometimes are very small, my brain shrinks because of complaints, moods, lack of curiosity. but through special friends, with big eyes and appetite for life, things become so bright and colourful. Like this exhibition of Zao Wou-Ki I heard about recently.
I would like to share a few pictures here of beautiful images I would like to stick to my brain, and inspire you to travel again. My friend Sonja is trying to empower people to travel again as many place are opening back. My mum just did this amazing trek in Greece, and said it was insanely gorgeous and empty.
Things are getting back to normal slowly but June in Provence is my favorite. It’s not too crowded yet, beaches in Porquerolles were not too busy, this insane exhibition was nearly empty, restaurants do not require all reservations, and there are many events popping back up on the calendar. It’s lovely to feel like people are blooming again like cherry blossom in spring. Life is coming back, act of kindness seem inevitable, and most people need fun right now. good times my friends. let’s get back into it 🙂 we deserve this!!!
It’s been a while but I’m so happy to be back 🙂 Typically, when I find time to write here, I have made enough space in my soul to feel comfortable extracting things from it. so YAY! here is to soul extraction time! ahah. It is still very strange to me that writing in english is easier, but I feel less judged. It allows me to make mistakes.
Well ok so, at the beginning of this year, I set some intentions, the main one was seeing more friends, and meeting new people.
I am a BIG extravert, I adore people, their story, their vision of life, because I always learn something new, and it helps me calibrate my own stuff. And very often, putting things in perspective. Even though I have to say, we tend to evolve within a very close circle, and I think that might be the next step for me, opening more this circle…
anyway, over the last few week-ends, we have been lucky enough to escape with loved ones, and exploring our surroundings, with and without our kids, but every time with friends and new people. I quickly realised that very few of them opened up about covid traumas, and changes they went through. but everyone was keen on sharing their current experiences, struggles, questions. I wondered if growing up (or getting older ayayay) does not allow us to be more willing to listen to each other, and noticing quickly who we are going to bond with. who do we feel connected with. usually the deeper conversation I have with introverts. I like to make them talk like I would extract gems.
I used to feel the need to connect with the largest amount of people, in the same way. Now I am a little more relaxed. I am aware of the type of people I might better click with, and go deeper with, and I accept this. It is actually harder for me, being such an extravert to take the time to really make space for emptiness and observation, as I always want to create a movement, but the older I get, the more I appreciate being an outsider, that people are able to talk to more easily. I don’t need to always go and get what I want. sometimes it comes naturally and it’s nice!
I love those times of reconnection with others. Honestly, I was a little scared, because I gained a little weight, I lost my dream job, and with it a chunk of confidence, I definitely got shaken up, unexpectedly. But yet health is still good and I really can’t complain about life thanks to that. But I realise now that I am not alone in this quest for happiness, being uncomfortable with our own vulnerability and story, we are all constantly looking for our best fit in this world, and I find this reassuring. I love being remembered that for me, equilibrium does not come from food, from sport, from culture. It starts with people, who lead me to what makes me feel good. But in order to hear them, I need to create space.
After trying hard to find snowshoes for our kids before going up to the mountain (completely out of stock everywhere in France!!), we decided to try cross country skiing! I was pretty sure we would last no longer than 4 minutes, and we nearly did (it’s always tricky at 5 yo to try to learn something new when you feel even just the slightest amount of pressure towards your older brother, your dad, or mum even?)
but oh joy, eventually we were off, in the beautiful forests, massive pine trees covered in fresh snow, beautiful morning light… how soothing this felt.
I’m so glad we tried something new, and despite the planning and packing going up there required, it always feels restorative to be in our little wood cabin, playing cards, eating fatty food, drinking tea. we’re lucky not only to have access to this little retreat, and to take advantage of it!
i really craved something new last week-end. new hike, new views, new adventures.
when we lived in Oregon, life constantly felt like an adventure. choosing food at the supermarket was an adventure, going to the pacific ocean to surf while crossing giant sequoia was an adventure, looking at teenagers playing “lacrosse” game was an adventure. now bizzarely everything feels way more settle, more definite, more proper. we are doing things right, because it took us so long to figure it out. and its really lovely! at times yet i do want to find those shots of fresh adventures that makes life feel bigger and thrilling.
so I asked my dad to take us to places he knows. i don’t remember those places from when I was a kid actually, because i have very little memories back then, but was spent such a fun day exploring new places, not looking at the clock, and taking in all the sunshine and views we could.
a new year is starting. I just realised by looking at a pix in the picture of the two of us, hubby and I, many many years ago how time is really flying by. also noticed tonight how funny and grown up my youngest is. funny how sometimes you can notice more those little things because maybe you look at them differently, or pay more attention. in that case because my oldest was having tummy ache, i was exhausted from my day, so the two usual loud ones were off.
i don’t know for you but i go through total weirdness zone (asking myself what the f..k is happening right now, is this gonna last forever or what, or is this even real? am I even alive?) and total normal laugh, sport, work moments, like absolutely ignoring all of the pain and craziness. it makes me feel even weirder than I can be sometimes.
we had the best vacation. 2 weeks of fun, some cry, swimming in frozen méditerranéen sea, snowball fights in the mountains, eating a disgusting amount of food, getting along with pretty much the whole family. everyone was on a high. because of course on the !st of January we would be free of this stupid virus.
well nope. at times it feels even crazier now. the first week back was BRUTAL. waking up early again, when you thought you were good for hibernation mode is just painful. and everyone is full of resolution and energy, which is awesome for the planet, but a lot of pressure to sustain.
I LOVE resolution because they help me focus, and I need all the help to focus. Then I can track progresses, i feel useful and happy and can sleep well at night. what are your resolution this year?
Mine are pretty surprising this time. I am finaly doing a dry january. by the end of 2020 alcohol had no effect on my body which worried me. I exagerate only slightly. so basta cosi. i hate when i feel like i have no choice. people generally don’t like it when you quit drinking, as suddenly I would become lame. well no sorry, i can still crack on jokes, have a good time. i do want to go to bed early though, it’s weird!
Secondly, I want to meet new people. might be challenging these days… but I want to find a way to connect more with people I love, and through them meet fun people. I only want to hang out with people who give me positive energy! solution oriented people, who loves life as much as I do. meaning that can be an opened, authenticity. being positive does not necessarily means happy all the time. it means at the end of the day you do WANT to be happy.
The third one is gonna be way harder because i took bad habits for the last 5 years, nearly 6 now. I ABSOLUTELY need to spend more time with my kids separately. i just realized that I live in this complete non sense of thinking that good quality family time is TOGETHER, and it is not. together does not necessarily mean all together. i am still learning about them, how they communicate, what they like, what questions they might answer. if I dont spend time with them separately i won’t be able to make it work.
throughout the years, i took on many resolutions that seriously helped me out. invest time in myself, in my couple, in nutrition for health, laughing way more (in 2020 ah! who would have known ), in being in the moment and quit social media back in 2017 for a year (!!!), now i really feel the need to invest in my kids. i feel like they are still young enough to be enthusiastic about most things, grateful for time with me, and therefore it is my role to make time for this. as usual though, i try not to focus on feeling sad about not doing more before, because one always does its best, but being happy that i know how to make time for those things to come to my mind. whenever they do. as long as I still have some empty space in my brain for taking a step back and realising what is happening, I feel alive. I feel like I can contribute, and be helpful to this world.
I will let you know how it goes. i send you all my best dreams, songs, and sunsets for this new year.
some selected pieces from my “collection” of sunsets from Oregon, to Hawaii, and the south of France drawing by Mister Z
my company NAOS sometimes organises chat with expert around well being themes: diet, emotions… things that would help you to better organise your body and soul. yesterday was about emotions! 180 people connected in order to listen to Karine Conxicoeur, a coach and artist expert in the emotional field. can you imagine…. she’s like yoda!
like everyone here i come from a weird family where people have shown me various different ways to communicate, some felt inspiring, some felt frightening, and i always try to detach myself as much as possible from what i have witnessed in order to create my own communication. I believe you can learn to draw, and then you can draw whatever you want.
so when the coach started by introducing emotions as INFORMATIONS that you should really observe and notice, I thought that was a good start. how reassuring to think that you don’t have to push back your emotions, they are telling you something. however the sooner you start noticing them, the better you are able to explain them to yourself and warn if needed people around you.
it was really fun to hear that for example anger is not necessarly a BAD emotion. some people are not able to feel anger and show anger, and it can be as painful as being fearful all the time. i always feel like my goal should be to remain calm at all time. but actually not showing any emotion ever would require me to become like the queen of england, and when i think about it it would be my worst nightmare. so no bad emotion, actually do you feel entitled to feel that emotion, have you been allowed in your past to show certain emotions? we have all been prevented at some point to feel sad, to feel angry, or fearful, maybe even too excited for things… how strange.
i could keep on writing about this for a while because it is so fascinating how some people could unleash themselves by reading or listening about this topic. but for today i will leave you with this. i’m going to do this exercise for a week and maybe you will want to do the same. write down a real or mental note when you feel an emotion physically and what value you think this emotion is attached to: anger because i’m not feeling respected, fear because i’m unsure and i don’t know, joy because i am satisfied with a situation….
this week let’s not try to necessarly diet our emotion, but take notes of what makes us feel what we feel. i think it could be interesting for once to just be.
right now i’m listening to willy tea taylor, who has been recommended by a dear friend of mine. a folk singer from ‘merica. drinking tea from my unicorn cup. feeling a ray of morning sunshine on my face. writing to you about something new i learnt i think could be useful. i feel totally in peace, at ease with what is happening and i have a smile on my face. voila. 20 min of pure satisfaction.
I have noticed recently that there is less fun in the house since the kids are grown up, they have music, sports, training, reading, and their own games too. they are the way they are supposed to be, independant. yet, now this new phase is starting I am becoming more and more aware of the absolute need of staying close. and having fun doing so.
here is a list of all the good things and a surprise at the end.
playing soccer on the village field, while some teenager brought their music, and the sun is going down.
going to a new organic food store that I have been meaning to check for 2 years now, and telling them they are my new favorite store because they have chicken running around, toys and books for kids
going to the market with my best friend and her sister, enjoying wine, the sunshine, eating paella, and buying books like if everything was normal. even though it is not. stopping time to smile with good people you love is always a very good idea.
enjoying going for a walk and pic nic with my husband because yes we are still allowed to take lunchbreak while working from home, but somehow we sometimes forget we are free to do what we want with our time
having my kids being invited by others. I find this very reassuring. they always come home with great insights and it’s fun for me to hear about what they have noticed in other homes. perspective.
wearing my unicorn pj like right now, because my kids wanted me to read charlie and the chocolate factory as a unicorn. my job is done here. im so proud!!! 😀
even though I am so worried about renovating our new home, i find it thrilling to learn throughout the process, and to learn about trusting enough new people to let them build your life…so many decisions to take though!!
being able to have a dance party of two. that was a huge relief to realize that actually you can party hard no matter how many people you are. it’s all about playlist, dance moves and costume! note to self: get that disco ball for the entrance of the new home. to set the tone.
the bad news? my oldest does not believe in santa anymore!!!! and I think I still do. so I am bummed now. it made him laugh that I was sad, and he said he was finaly relieved to know that its not that easy to break into someones home 🙂
have a nice evening everyone. take care of yourself others too. but a little more yourself, always 🙂
mamaninprovence 