Week-ends are like Netflix. It’s always hard to decide what to do because there are so many options, and so many people to please.
We always start with the weather. Today for example it’s kind of crappy, and we had a late party so we feel tired and not super inspired. However I know that not doing anything in the morning makes the whole day hard.
So that’s my trick. Hot shower with Lemon/ Verveine Petit Marseillais (my happiest smell), coffee (ideally Oat milk latte because it’s the week-end and I have more time) chill music and candle to get in the mood. If the night before was really late then Berocca boost. That’s my little secret.
Then we can start talking. Sometimes there is a soccer game we need to either go to or find a friend to take our son. Usually we want to balance moving around in a pretty spot, and then we can chill, play music, go to a exhibition. Either one parent wants to do something specific that makes them happy, so we split, or we do something for the kids like some kind of zoo. But we don’t try to pick something perfect for everyone because it’s too much pressure.
I HATE ERRANDS. I don’t shop and I don’t cook during the week-end, unless it’s for a party or if we are not up to anything exciting. Week-ends exist for fun. ENJOY!
In this beautiful world of ours, everything is accelerating. Most things are in movement, even simply branches of trees, clouds, the ocean. EVERYTHING alive is pretty much always moving. It’s exciting and exhausting. So it takes a lot of effort and organisation even sometimes to go against this general vibe.
Sometimes you go for big pauses. We have noticed that it is easier to slow down when we go camping for example, somewhere remote with fewer people and less distractions. But this takes some courage and energy, because it can’t be done last minute.
I noticed just this afternoon once again how doable it is to take MINI pauses throughout the day. mini moments of delicious observation. allowing yourself to sit, breathe and watch things moving around is very helpful and very soothing. can you imagine a marathon runner never finding the finish line? what a nightmare. you can create mini safe zone throughout your day to connect with your soul and just remember that at least you have that. you can be your own best friend, just make space to connect with her.
I haven’t been able yet to understand all the feelings I have experienced for the last 4 months, since we decided to move back to France, but today it came out, while I was sitting outside. Did you know that it’s very hard to cry in the sunshine? Don’t pity, but the fact is that it’s hard to let hard feeling come out when the weather is absolutely amazing.
The fact is changing life is really fucking hard. No matter how amazing your new home is, creating a new life is a lot of work, and a lot of emotions. I could not really speak about it before because I did not let myself pause and and reflect. I did not allow it because I was thinking too much about the risk, instead of the necessity.
What’s interesting is that I realised I don’t really like to write about simple little things, I prefer to write when I feel a bit sad, confused, or overwhelmed because it becomes a dialogue.
Today started very smoothly, by ticking all the boxes in a loving, beautiful happy way. The way we like it. There were unexpected cuddles, warm brioches and flowers in the trees. I even took time to make myself a cappuccino and wash my hair (rare). I kept on telling myself “just relax, clean up the mess and then relax” but it’s the hardest thing for some reason. I forced myself to stop taking care of the laundry (I am not working yet so my home and family are my 100% job right now and it’s a lot. no idea how i usually do it with full time job…) sit outside and chill. After 3 min i got bored and decided to clean my contact list. I have lots of numbers I don’t used anymore, bills, government stuff… I have never clean my contacts before because never had time.
and then I just burst in tears, because that happens sometimes when I listen to “lalaland soundtrack” Because seeing all those names reminded me of all this life, all this work, all those nights out, and I felt so sad it was all gone now. I could not call the same friend for drinks or dance, I could not go to work with awesome people anymore on my scooter, I could not say hi to my annoying neighbors. I suddenly missed it all a lot, which feels hard. I don’t like to miss things in life because I love being in the moment.
the fact is, we don’t realise we live life. we don’t think it can really shift until it does. we really need to make great choices of people to be with, people to love, people to work with, because the next thing you know it’s all gone. all our energy should be put in choosing the right circle and caring for it.
also I always told myself that my home in France would never change. People would always look the same, stay there, stay alive and happy and I can just go on adventures and always rely on this. well no. 5 days before we moved back my grandma passed. like a major ironic “well done but still a little bit too late”. this week end i noticed weird marks on my mums hands (she never talks about health so I am glad i can be here and check her out). my sisters are making babies, getting married, changing jobs. Things are moving all over. and I really wanted to get closer. I was spending a lot of energy building communities in London, in Portland, but not enough energy creating a community within my own family. because it’s way harder isn’t it?
I could not be happier to be back to where I am from, and with my family closer. I want my kids to grow close to them, hear their stories, fish with them, laugh with them as much as possible. I want to feel less indispensable and less pressure. It was also important for me to have them surrounded by french culture, food and scenery because it’s absolutely stunning, and they can then decided to go wherever they want. But it feels good to live this together now.
But moving life, trying to sell a house, to rent one, understand new people, making new friends, and settling in as a family while keeping yourself balanced should not be underestimated. Our generation is made of travellers, and moving seems easy. Everything seems easy. the older you become and the more aware you are, the harder it is. so don’t waste any time and take on adventures whenever you get the chance. because it makes you grow, and gain a perspective that will change you forever.
I am reading Michelle Obama’s book right now, and I love how she describes her balance with Barack. It is a fascinating book about love, courage, tenacity and trust, and I am so happy it’s been following me all the way to France during a time of change.
I am not sure yet what my future mission will be, but it’s been so amazing to spend more time with the kids, as they pretty much instantly settled in their new life. I am taking the time to think about what matters to me, what values I want to keep working on, and try to really be ok with pausing! it’s ok to stop time no matter what comes out! I am feeling much happier now I allowed myself to have a little down moment. YAY TO VULNERABILITY.
WOW finally took the decision to start a whole new blog!! feels weird, a little risky and exciting, but necessary as we are not opening this new chapter of our life’s book! After an amazing adventure in Portland, Oregon, and my dear blog there mamaninportland, I have decided to write on a fresh new place, mamaninprovence!
Welcome!!!
For now I will be writing in English as most of my audience is English speaking mostly but I will translate when necessary!
mamaninprovence 